Spiritual confusion and need some advice?

Recently for no particular reason ( excuse my spelling im not a wrighter) i have changed. I was racist hatfull angry and emotionally blocked. Im 25 male married for 4 years two sons one with autism. I lost the anger that i have for no reason. i no longer hate like i did i can admit to my feelings and race doesnt bother me. i have this higher sense of being but still feel misplaced. i got laid off but have found work since so i cant atribute it to that. i was in the infantry,witch tought me to hide emotion. im not a good person i've lied cheated stolen destroyed, but i have also lost given things i truely could not afored to give. emotionly and financialy. so what the f is going on with me. i do sometimes fallback into my old self if only for a molment,quickly i relize my fault and feel almost dirty. ive lost most of my ual desire and become more emotionaly aware of how i view my wife. sorry if this post seem chaotic. thats how my mind has always been. any ideas on whats going on?